


these empty, moonlit nights

by starsoons



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Post-Break Up, i dont know too, it hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-02-23 06:22:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23807182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsoons/pseuds/starsoons
Summary: soonyoung's still hurting.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Kudos: 14





	these empty, moonlit nights

**Author's Note:**

> pain. this is full of pain.

"so pretty, _my moon_."

nights like these are familiar to soonyoung.

nights where everything is still and deafeningly silent, every home and alleyway bathed in the comfort of darkness. nights that urge him to stay close to his window and look out of the city's scenery, mute and aching.

there is nothing to see but the city lights and a moonlit sky. these usually soothe soonyoung to sleep but his mind is somehow fighting against the drowsiness. white noise start to fill his ears the longer he keeps his gaze outside.

"it's cold." he murmurs and later on he shifts on his seat. he leans back to grab his blankets and wrap them around himself tightly to keep away the biting cold. as he does, his focus drifts to the space before him.

it's his room. empty. bare. cold.

unconsciously, he utters a name that triggered the memories he desperately hid in the depths of his mind.

" _jihoon_."

everything went south when realization hits—ah, there it is.

soonyoung feels the tightening of his chest. he feels the tight press on his lungs, preventing him to breath as his throat constricts. he feels the burning of his nose as his eyes sting. he bites down on his lip to keep in a choked sob.

it's been a month but soonyoung can still recall how everything unfolded before him that same moonlit night.

he remembers how beet red jihoon's peachy cheeks were that god-awful night, how jihoon's fingers grip on soonyoung's shirt as if to cling for dear life. he remembers the press of jihoon's cold, trembling lips against his—how he hated how they were bitten until red and broken; bleeding on soonyoung's pair that one swipe of his tongue cleaned the iron away.

soonyoung's stomach churned when he remembers the look on jihoon's eyes; eyes that once hid soonyoung's entire universe. deep pain and sorrow filled those orbs, filling those wonderful eyes up to the brim until they escape in streams.

soonyoung watched those teardrops fall along the thousand of pieces his heart broke into.

it registered in his mind—those eyes resembled every empty night right outside his window. of course, everything became empty once his universe slipped away from his hold, never to return home to him ever again. 

_'i'm sorry, soonyoung.'_

nauseous, soonyoung's vision spins and blurs. there's fire in his throat now, heat escaping in streams of anguish down his cheeks.

his body craves the protective warmth of jihoon's arms whenever soonyoung himself gets this way or whenever soonyoung couldn't sleep at night. his body seeks the comfort of jihoon's presence when soonyoung's thoughts tide in on him, destroying him. his body searches for it, the security and the warmth of someone soonyoung once made as his home.

soonyoung's entire being aches for all of jihoon's, aches for him to be beside him, to hold him, to be safe.

and it hurts, always hurts, when soonyoung has to reprimand himself that he can't—he can't have jihoon back.

it's greedy. selfish. needy and pathetic.

"i miss you, my moon..." soonyoung's breaths came out strangled, warping his words in the process. tighter he hugged his blanket to his body, trying to replicate the warmth jihoon naturally has.

everything of this suddenly became a routine the following nights after that eventful evening.

"i miss you _so much_."

ignoring his trembling knees, he stumbles back to bed and swallows the lump that formed on his throat when it dawns and confirms for himself that jihoon wasn't there—it's been a month since jihoon left anyway. it's been a month since jihoon walked away from his life, taking his warmth and comfort with him.

it's been a month since the other side of the bed went cold. it doesn't stop soonyoung from repeatedly caressing that spot every night, secretly wishing that jihoon will appear and be with him through nights like these again.

"i miss you, jihoon. i miss you." he screws his eyes shut to prevent himself from seeing more things that will remind him of his lost home but the images still flood his mind, an image of jihoon's once brilliant smile searing itself at the back of soonyoung's eyelids.

it's excruciatingly painful, he whispers—admits—to the stillness of the room (and also himself). white spots began to dominate and erase the image away from his sight too.

maybe in his sleep, he'll feel more at ease (but he is aware that's not going to happen, not later or sooner).

exhausted by the emotional and psychological strain of such torturous imageries soonyoung's whole being gave up to fatigue. the fight to control his nausea also took its toll on him and his body.

he surrenders to overfatigue in that pitiful state, still grieving the painfulness and beauty of endless empty, moonlit nights even in sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> i was about to fall asleep when the idea tickled and demanded that i express thoughts into words. as a result, this happened.
> 
> not yet edited since it's 2:05AM over here. might edit this soon.


End file.
